Who is your biggest influencer?

Warning! This post is a bit different from what you're used to seeing on Pearls & Scissors, but it's totally worth it, I promise.

Some of you might not now this, but I actually have an MA in psychology. I'm not going to go into the story of how a psychology student became a DIY blogger and operatic singer today. However, for the longest time I've wanted to write about some of the things I learned during my psychology studies that really changed how I think about and view myself and others around me.

Whether you love motivational quotes or not, I think we can all agree that words do have power. The words that others speak influence how we perceive ourselves and our actions. Even the most thick-skinned of us can be unnerved by a negative comment from someone whose opinion we value. On the flip side, an encouragement from a significant other can truly make our day and turn our frown upside down, right?

What we don't often think about, or even realize, is the way the words WE speak to ourselves influence us. How does it make us feel when we put ourselves down? "Quitting your day job before a steady income wasn't very smart, now was it?" "Look at those beer-handles! Lazy much?" "Do you really think you have ANYTHING valuable to offer anyone?" Sound familiar?

Most of us say something along those lines to ourselves. And that's just sad. Would you say anything like that to your best friend? A family member? Anyone you really care about?

Probably not. Why then, do we keep treating ourselves this way? And this is NOT a rhetorical question. Really ask yourself - How do you justify this behavior?

Does it make you more motivated? Honestly, I'd love to say "Yeah, this totally makes me work my ass off!", but the truth is, it just makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry.

Does it help you make changes in your life you need to make? If I'm honest with myself, these types of thoughts just make me feel guilty for not having made these changes already. Or, they might even make me feel I will never be able to make these changes cause I'm such a loser. Does that happen do you, too?

Does it boost your confidence or make you feel better? Nope, never.

Does it help you to find a solution or help you cope with the situation? I don't remember it ever doing so.

It does NOT motivate. It does NOT change anything. It does NOT make you feel better, or help you cope. So, STOP doing it!

I know. It's way easier said than done. I'm a perfectionist in nature, so believe me, being gentle and caring towards myself is the hardest thing to do for me. But, I've realized that I need to give myself the same care and compassion that I would someone I love. Because I DO want to love myself. ME is all I have.

Whenever I feel these negative thoughts swirling around in my mind and it's just pouring shit in my brain, I stop myself and think - "What would you say right now if you were talking to a good friend?"
Sometimes it's easier to put myself into that position than others, but it's always a good thing to at least be aware of the fact that you're putting yourself down and it's not helping. Even if you don't know the right words to say to yourself just yet, just stop for a second and give yourself a break. You will thank yourself later.

Now, consider how you feel when you say something nice to yourself. How do you feel when you get encouragement from yourself? How does it feel to give yourself a mental high five? "Wow, Hanna, you were so productive today. Amazing job!" "You look tired. Time to take a break and refuel. You'll do a much better job once you've rested!" "I know you're just starting out, but you're already doing a great job on getting healthier!"

I don't know about you, but I feel so much more connected with myself, more confident and happier when I say those things to myself. When I speak to myself with respect, gratitude and love, I instantly feel better about myself, my actions, and my life in general.

The thought of talking to yourself this way might seem silly at first. A lot of the times, we put so much focus and weight on what OTHER PEOPLE are saying to us. It might even feel like encouragement or critique from others might make or break us. In the midst of all this outside chatter, we might forget about the inner voice. But, just take a minute to really think about this.

It's estimated that an average person has about 50 000 - 70 000 thoughts per day (sometimes it feels I have 100 000). If we assume that a thought is roughly one sentence, that's a lot of talk going on in our head all the time. Now, it's also estimated by another study that we use about 16 000 words per day. If we divide those into sentences, it would be around 3200 sentences (with an average of 5 words per sentence).  So, you say 50 000 sentences to yourself, but only 3200 sentences to others. How's that for some perspective?

YOU are your biggest influencer. What you say to yourself matters!

These types of posts tend to become a "Great point! I'll get to it someday" thought in my head, so I thought I'd challenge myself and you to really put it into use now. Be a better influence on yourself, and say something encouraging to yourself RIGHT NOW. Did you do it? Good.

And now, for the rest of this week, say something positive or encouraging to yourself every time you brush your teeth. This way, hopefully, the practice of being a good influencer will become a daily habit like brushing your teeth.

Are you in?

xo. Hanna